I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
