I'll bet she douches with gravy.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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