Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your dad took our porno
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
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