i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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