$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
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