new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
