The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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