If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
