Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
