I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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