I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Houston, we have a blender
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
