You just made me feel so damn special
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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