dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
