So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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