I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
