you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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