I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
the day after is always just damage control
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
