Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
