You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Everything about him screamed your future.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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