I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
