There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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