I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
