I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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