hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
