I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
