He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
