I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
