I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
