yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
