OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
