Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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