I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
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and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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