I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
