tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
