even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fucked my hip out of place.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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