Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
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