I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize
