rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
