In the future we'll all be gay
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?