dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
