Texts From Last Night

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  (757): View more from Virginia

  now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined

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  (757): now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined http://tfl.nu/1l3f
  Replies (12) Good night (4058) Bad night (1848)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.

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  (410): These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow. http://tfl.nu/e5qu
  Replies (32) Good night (7453) Bad night (828)
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  (450): View more from Quebec

  I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life

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  (450): I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life http://tfl.nu/01gr
  Replies (7) Good night (4130) Bad night (1088)
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  (408): View more from California

  My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.

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  (408): My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me. http://tfl.nu/7zz8
  Replies (5) Good night (1238) Bad night (2227)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.

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  (970): Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line. http://tfl.nu/60ef
  Replies (5) Good night (1569) Bad night (561)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.

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  (330): Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered. http://tfl.nu/lz30
  Replies (8) Good night (527) Bad night (1243)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable

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  (603): I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable http://tfl.nu/70go
  Replies (9) Good night (1516) Bad night (519)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina

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  (217): I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina http://tfl.nu/lruw
  Replies (8) Good night (1395) Bad night (631)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.

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  (608): You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here. http://tfl.nu/9wgz
  Replies (9) Good night (443) Bad night (1450)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  I think I died last night.

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Yeah, you got carried home

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  (708): I think I died last night. (414): Yeah, you got carried home http://tfl.nu/8211
  Replies (1) Good night (573) Bad night (271)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.

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  (716): Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now. http://tfl.nu/i6pt
  Replies (2) Good night (678) Bad night (230)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.

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  (610): The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly. http://tfl.nu/cjbh
  Replies (3) Good night (564) Bad night (251)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.

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  (256): My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted. http://tfl.nu/wkzb
  Replies (0) Good night (804) Bad night (207)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.

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  (+61): I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back. http://tfl.nu/04mr
  Replies (1) Good night (574) Bad night (191)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.

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  (440): My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future. http://tfl.nu/caoj
  Replies (1) Good night (378) Bad night (441)

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