Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
