I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
North Korea, Best Korea!
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring