The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention