You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
you inspire me to be a worse person
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.