debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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