i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.