I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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