OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
