Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize