At least make sure they are 18
Why
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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