what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
