I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
