Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
