This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
