I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
