he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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