Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
