your parents love me but you hate me
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
