that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
vagina is talking i cant
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
