Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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