butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
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