Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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