I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
