At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
