I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
