Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
