the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
false alarm, still single
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
