My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just googled if crying burns calories
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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