Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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