i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
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Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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