You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
