Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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