I faked an abortion last night.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
