Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
