we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
