fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Is it penis luge time yet?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So here I am, sexting at work.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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