# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
