My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
